Paul Destroys the Universe
All right guys and gals, it's the final day. Everything has been building to this. We've even added ANOTHER commentator to the mix since today is very special to him. What we have here is a multimedia explosion. I only mention it because it's literally the first time I've gotten to use that phrase for serious.
Uglyraincoat: Next Year’s Only Hit Single.
Uglyraincoat: Next Year’s Only Hit Single.
dethtron: So the story goes something like this: back many moons ago (like 2003, I think) Uglyrainoat hosted a LAN party at his house. This back at the dawn of time when LAN parties were de rigueur and all the rage. Anyhow, the kids all wanted to play some FPS that my computer couldn’t run. Seems I couldn’t hang with the big dogs if the big dogs wanted to play anything more complicated than say “Worms World Party.” If memory serves, my graphics card was at fault and there wasn’t a way to remedy the situation- the 24 hour graphics card store had yet to be invented.
Doing what any person in this situation would do, I told everyone to go ahead without me and proceeded to figure out how the tunable speech synthesizer worked on my sequencer software. An hour and a half later “Paul Destroys the Universe” was born and the rest is history.
Uglyraincoat: What really happened was this. I knew dethtron and Laub, and they knew a thousand other people. I invited their extended friend network over for a LAN party at my house. Someone taped themselves to another person, and lauby narrowly missed throwing a fire-cracker onto whoever it was who fell asleep on the couch on my front porch when he rolled back in for day 2. Dethtron was ostensibly “updating” his computer, or so he said, and it didn’t become clear until hour 30 that he was making music rather than actually getting his computer to run the game. Or maybe my perception was warped by the steady hours of constant doom and carnage being wrought on the digiverse for our pleasure. In any case, the moral of the story is that dethtron is crafty and doesn’t like to get shot.
dethtron: not sure where you’re getting that 30 hours from. If you’ll actually recall correctly, you’ll remember that the whole song was written in less than an hour. That’s why everyone was so confused by it. And also why it sounds so crappy.
Lauby: No, what really happened is this... Naw. I’m just kidding. This isn’t Rashomon or anything. The other guys pretty much covered it. BUT, the icing on the cake was that the game (Battlefield: Vietnam) we were all playing (except Dethtron) had this radio feature where you could drop song files into a game folder and then hear them in game when you were in vehicles. After a while, the original track made into everyone’s folder and hearing the song though other player's radios became the norm. Paul was everywhere at all times. Frightening, really.
Paul: What I remember from that LAN: the duct tape fiasco, broken glass, being jealous of someone’s LCD DESKTOP MONITOR ZOMG! and oh yes, destroying the universe. To be fair, the universe had it coming.
dethtron: if ever there were something that had it coming it’d be the universe.
dethtron: if ever there were something that had it coming it’d be the universe.
dethtron: clearly this is not just an amped up “Wrath of God.” There’s so much more going on here.
Lauby: At least a few cards have come up earlier in this series with phrases like “favorite art” or “most fun to make”. Those were lies. This card trumps all others. But it wouldn’t do to just keep mentioning day 12 over and over again. Chisel and NERV were fine cards, but they are no PDtU.
Uglyraincoat: I think it is because of the laser eyes.
Paul: I can claim some credit to the art. The [crappy] original was done as art for my website which mostly was host to a private message board on which we all kind of cut our internet teeth and “socially networked” amongst ourselves, before that was a thing. The website as a whole was tacky by both design and ability. I popped together the proto-piece of lightning hands and lazer eyes to oversee the page on which I hoisted the PDtU tracks for all the world to behold. Thankfully, Lauby took the concept to a better place.
dethtron: fast forward a few years after the original “Paul Destroys the Universe” was written, but not so far forward as the creation of Fishmas the Gathering, and I decided that the original song didn’t really do Paul justice as it was, well... pretty crappy. So out of the blue and for no obvious reason, I decided to remix the track in three distinct and shitty ways.
Lauby: Well... three shitty ways at least HIYO! I keed, I keed. There was a lot genuine mirth generated by these for everyone on the receiving end.
Paul: What a great day that was. Pretty sure I played those on repeat on my mp3 player for several days straight.
Lauby: Now, all of ‘em are pretty fun, but I contend that they just can’t beat the original.
Uglyraincoat: Can’t stop that beat. Now move them feet, c’mon. Get up.
dethtron: This is the first of the remixes and still one of my favorite. It proves just how easy making shitty dance music. Seriously, there’s a “cutting tool” on my sequencer that makes trance melodies like this just happen.
Uglyraincoat: Tip for parents: this track is great for getting your infant to sleep!
Lauby: This mix represents everything Technotronic worked so tirelessly to achieve. The jam has been pumped up.
dethtron: My one regret is that I didn’t try to break the world’s record for longest snare rush ever.
Lauby: This mix represents everything Technotronic worked so tirelessly to achieve. The jam has been pumped up.
dethtron: My one regret is that I didn’t try to break the world’s record for longest snare rush ever.
dethtron: this one was fun. I got to bust out some samples from Lauby’s all time favorite movie and run them through a .wav scratcher. Best yet, while making the main track pretty much a straight Public Enemy circa 1992 clone, I decided to slow things up for a nice little coda that throws the word “girl” around as much as possible and also involves toe sucking for some
reason.
Lauby: You’re a monster. That movie scarred me for life. The day I finally come across your body, strangely drained of all color and covered in battle wounds is one I have imagined many times. You’ll go to pass on whatever glowing gewgaw you keep in your chest cavity and then I’ll lean right up to your ear and whisper “ I hate you”.
Uglyraincoat: I thought it was pisshop. I’m so square. Also, why haven’t you done a skrillex tie-in. You know. For authenticity.
dethtron: all I can say in answer to that is fuck dub step. Seriously, fuck it hard.
Lauby: You’re a monster. That movie scarred me for life. The day I finally come across your body, strangely drained of all color and covered in battle wounds is one I have imagined many times. You’ll go to pass on whatever glowing gewgaw you keep in your chest cavity and then I’ll lean right up to your ear and whisper “ I hate you”.
Uglyraincoat: I thought it was pisshop. I’m so square. Also, why haven’t you done a skrillex tie-in. You know. For authenticity.
dethtron: all I can say in answer to that is fuck dub step. Seriously, fuck it hard.
Lauby: wub wub wub wub
dethtron: proof that my guitar tone generator does not sound anything like a real guitar. Did get to whip out some wicked hammer-ons and pull-offs in the solo, though.
Lauby: The fact that you have access to an actual metal band and have not recorded this with real instruments is more than a little questionable. But you’re the semi-trained paraprofessional so I guess I have to trust you on this one.
Uglyraincoat: This one was on the PDTU ep. Make sure to request it from all of your favorite local radio stations. Constantly. For a month. Send them links.
Uglyraincoat: This one was on the PDTU ep. Make sure to request it from all of your favorite local radio stations. Constantly. For a month. Send them links.
dethtron: to commemorate the unveiling of this card and song, I decided to remix the original track one last time- this time with live vocals and some new verses. It’s pretty much a bog standard future pop version of the song, so I hope at least one of you gets the joke. All the vocals were recorded poorly by me in my pajamas. I had wanted to get Hoagy from our band Crusader to do the vox, but didn’t have time with the holidays and my work-related near death experience.
Uglyraincoat: The voice of an angel. Although, as I’m listening to this, I envision great tie-in potential for our Fishmas The Gathering 8bit Nintendo (tm) game.
dethtron: voice of an angel my ass. Wish I could sing in tune better, but alas, I am a drummer. Also had to super rush this because of almost being crushed at work- in an act that, and nobody believes this, involved scorpions- but not the kind that can rock you like a hurricane.
Paul: *sniff* It’s like I just destroyed the universe all over again.
Lauby: I think this song destroyed my heart. I’ll never know love again like I do now.
dethtron: I think I just destroyed 4 non-blondes...lyrics are hard.
dethtron: voice of an angel my ass. Wish I could sing in tune better, but alas, I am a drummer. Also had to super rush this because of almost being crushed at work- in an act that, and nobody believes this, involved scorpions- but not the kind that can rock you like a hurricane.
Paul: *sniff* It’s like I just destroyed the universe all over again.
Lauby: I think this song destroyed my heart. I’ll never know love again like I do now.
dethtron: I think I just destroyed 4 non-blondes...lyrics are hard.
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