++++ Transmitted: House of Paincakes
++++ Received: <<redacted>>
++++ Destination: <<redacted>>
++++ Temporal Reference/Send: [5 077-sidereal] 0504012.M03
++++ Telepathic Duct: Locus Solar/HoP Terminus
++++ Sidereal/Ref/Ordinator: 77-0/y56-233/Astropath Hoegaarden
++++ Transcriptor: Autosavant Penitent -42C//Steve - [Liquidated after use]
Thought for the Day: "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
I hope this missive finds you all in good health and sounds of mind. My agents have continuously and tirelessly investigated even the slightest rumors in the pursuit of information vital to the security of this sector of the blogosphere. Though all of my people have entirely given themselves over to our cause, Inquisitor Loquacious deserves special commendation for her efforts. She has performed above and beyond even our already high standards.
Per your request, I have compiled a list of the most pressing concerns to the Ordo Paincakes for the past week culled from the reports of our field personnel.
1) Chronowraith's Corner - The Tip of the Brush - Having Standards OR "When is a Miniature Finished?"
Summary: A being of immense knowledge has appeared suddenly and begun spreading a kind of enlightenment to a artists throughout the sector. The nature of the being is unknown but is believed to be some sort of friendly, time-traveling spirit from beyond the Ghoul Stars.
Status: Under surveillance. Ecto Containment Units on order from the Munitorium.
2) Mr. Lee's Painting Emporium - Yedharo Capricorn Bust Finished?
A renegade xenoarchaeologist has made an alarming discover of an extra-planr nature. While investigating the possible influence of xeno races on the monument construction of ancient Terra, a well preserved representation of what was believed to be an alien was unearthed. Our agents believe this bust to be daemonic in nature rather than alien and have responded accordingly.
Status: Disinformation has succesfully been spread. Field team gamma attempting to recover the artifact
3) Outsyder Gaming - No Love for Green Planeswalkers?
Perhaps related to the above, further evidence of the practice of forbidden and heretical magick has surfaced. Luckily there appears to be a doctrinal split among the local cabals. Due to this stroke of luck, their powerbase seems to have been fractured, buying us much needed time to deal with the problem.
Status: Extremely Dangerous. Assistance from the Grey Knights requested.
4) Tales of a Tabletop Skirmisher - Something Old and Something New
A retired space pirate known only as 'the Badger' has written a memoir of sorts about his buccaneering days. He is also giving away a portion of his treasure to those lucky few who survive the devious trials he has devised to make the contest as deadly as it is intoxicating.
Status: We should totally enter this.
5) All Things Fett - Painting with Paint™ - This Was Totally Posted Yesterday Edition
Our current information is woefully and regrettably incomplete on this subject. As near as my agents can tell, we may be dealing with a time-traveling artist of some sort. A temporal rift may be possible as the few images we were able to retrieves seem to depict warriors in armor configurations we've never seen before. Status: Priority level Alpha - further data must be collected at all costs.
6) Touched by greatness. And pressing charges - 40k Starter Set contents leaked
We are still investigating the source of this massive breach of security, but preliminary reports indicate that the full disposition and availability of troops for the upcoming campaign (codenamed: Starter Set) have been made available to the public. Despite our best efforts, this information continues to spread and were this not Holy Terra, would merit Exterminatus.
Status: Crapping our pants- High Inquisitor Lauby: Figuratively. Strike Commander SinSynn: Literally.
7) Lines on Maps - This moment wont last forever...
Adept Grumhelden has prepared a momentous report detailing the current militant mood of the local population. He advises that we must go to war soon if we want to keep the momentum going and take maximum advantage of the new face of war.
Status: Cautiously Optimistic.
8) Gone To Ground - Why'd You Pick That? Temple Flameguard
Lord Captain Dave has returned a detailed treatise on the way in which he chooses to run his holy war against his heathen foes. Included is a recognition guide and a summary of the relevant field guide.
Status: Investigating reports of Menite atrocities against local populations.
This report was difficult to compile and cost the lives of many men and women (and at least one pair of pants) to complete. It is my sincere hope that it will be an effective tool to guide your actions.
Obediently Yours,
High Inquisitor Lauby
No comments:
Post a Comment