What was I so desperately avoiding?
The practice of banning customers from businesses, specifically game stores.
I want to be totally clear: this post is not about any one person, situation or circumstance. This is about making a deliberate choice to tell people that may or may not be customers not to be in your store- ever again.
This practice is apparently common enough that pretty much every store owner I've spoken to has a rule (or set of rules) regarding when banning might be appropriate. It seems pretty standard to have standards; and to be aware of what limits apply in any given business.
Usually the standards are related to business; such as "selling inside the store is strictly prohibited, those caught selling will be banned for X amount of time" or some such. If something in your store is affecting your bottom line, it only makes sense to regulate it if you can.
I have no problems with rules for theft, or violence. They just make good business sense. Making sure your business isn't losing money or getting a bad reputation is probably smart.
However, there's another group of regulations going around, and they are pretty arbitrary and usually happen in a knee-jerk sort of way. I like to call them the "jerk rules". Most places don't even admit that they have them, but there are definitely stores that kick people out just for being a jerk. Sometimes it's not really for being a jerk; maybe it's because the owner doesn't like you that day. It doesn't seem to matter: there are more than enough places willing to toss you to the sidewalk for whatever reason (or none at all) out there.
I won't lie: For the most part, I think jerk banning is a chickenshit thing to do. I think it's a cop out and a cowardly way to tell someone that they have annoyed, frustrated or upset you enough that you would rather not deal with them again. I hate (really hate- you guys have no idea) confrontation and disagreements as a rule, and I'd much rather have these hard conversations with people that give them a reason not to be in my store.
Maybe it's because I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. Maybe it's because I'm usually the only woman in a room full of 20-30 men. Maybe it's because I am trying to raise my kids to be decent human beings who respect others; or maybe it's because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO- but I refuse to accept that banning is the best solution to a behavior problem.
When I ban you (general you, and not specifically YOU the reader) from my store, I no longer have an opportunity to talk to you as a person and discuss the way your behavior effects others. When I ban you, I lose the chance to help you with the NUMBER ONE problem most of us geeks deal with- social graces. When I ban you, I tell you (implicitly or not) that you are so unimportant and intolerable that even your WALLET can't redeem you.
All of that was my personal opinion.
As a business owner, I have been made to realize that I have to be at least willing to consider a set of behavior standards and have consequences in order for my business to be a place people want to hang out, enjoy games and spend money.
Because if I don't, people will not want to be at my place and they won't spend money, and then I won't have a place at all.
Yeah, it sucks, but I very well might have to ban someone. Maybe more than one person- I don't know. Whatever actions I take (whether it be banning or a "Come to Jesus" moment) have to keep the store's bottom line in mind. I have to regulate what I can.
Because as much as it pains me, it has hit home very hard that "being a jerk" is a perfectly good reason to tell someone not to be in my store. Someone "Being a jerk" can and does cause tension, stress and frustration in the other people around them. Someone "being a jerk" can and does alienate other customers so much that they don't want to be in the store, just so they can avoid the 'jerk'. Customers not being in my store hurts my sales and profits, so I have to regulate "jerks".
Most of the time, the "jerk" doesn't even have any idea that what they are doing is jerk behavior. Many times they keep getting away with it because no one will call them on it, and they think it's acceptable. Letting people know what constitutes jerk behavior and what will happen is the best way to stop it, as far as I can tell.
The problem as I see it, is that very few store owners are willing to have the tough conversations with customers or define what constitutes "jerk" behavior in their environment. Those owners that have clear definitions and actual consequences for bad behavior are doing themselves a strong favor, and making themselves more credible to their customers. I'm all for that.
It's the other, less defined and sometimes unknowable "you've pissed me off" kinds of lines that I am NOT OK with. I've heard a lot of stories over the ages; and most of the time I'm left wondering what the heck was wrong with the store owner.
Maybe I am too nice, or maybe it's pragmatism- but banning a guy because he's loud and obnoxious seems like a colossally STUPID idea to me. When you ban someone, you RARELY have the ability to limit the damage to just one guy. I mean, the guy's loud- which means he isn't afraid to talk to people. He's obnoxious, which means he'll make the story of "how he got banned" into something legendary that he'll tell anyone who will listen... and then the store in question has a reputation problem.
Why not just tell the guy "quit that X behavior" and KEEP that guy in your store?
Yeah, I know- not everyone that runs a store is interested in running a training ground for real life. I can dream, right?
I'd love to hear about the rules and conduct standards at the FLGS in your area- or the lack of them; depending on your situation. Please share your banning stories, or give advice on how to handle jerks... I'd love to hear how it works outside of our area.
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