Lantzing the Boil or Where in the World is Lantz?

On Monday, Lantz bravely - some would say, foolishly - volunteered to help us fill our holes....  ~gross...  in the posting schedule.

It turns out that his offer was genuine.  Here is Lantz from The Magnet Pro in all his glorious glory:

Lantz sez: "Me, drinking a hip apple-tini in a hip bar with assumed hip people. I'm hip."
Also, to make this as weird a scene as possible, here's a semi-related Haiku to kick off the official House of Paincakes Super Bad-ass Haiku Contest and Not-at-all Shameful Grab for Filler Content.*

The House of Paincakes
Awesomeness cuts like a knife
Old trout dies alone

So that's it for this first installment in what I hope will become a regular series here.  I think we'll learn something about life's greatest mysteries along the way.  Why does the human spirit feel the need to wander?  What is the meaning of community?  Do magnets work as explained by scientists or are those motherfuckers just lyin' and gettin' us pissed?  Why do I even have these night vision goggles?  Is plaid still hip or is it so fall 2009?

I will leave you with my own Haiku-
Dethtron's MBA
Program so boring; must go
on silk wings time flies

------[NOTES]----------
*Official rules:  your haiku most follow the 5/7/5 convention and the haiku must be, nominally, somehow related to the House of Paincakes.  Post your entry in the comments section of this post.  One entry per contestant.  No purchase necessary.  The winner(s) will be selected by the HoP admins and any agents we may designate.  The winner(s) will receive the dubious honor of having a filler post dedicated to their poem(s).

24 comments:

Alex said...

Work murders my soul
I read blogs to fill the void
But beer works better

Captain Kellen said...

I rate this Lucy Lu
Faith to Nancy Pelosi
Scaled just for your site

fester said...

O M G What the
This post makes no sense to me
Urge to kill is rising ...

Dethtron said...

I think fester has just turned the poetry world on its head with his trailblazing 5/7/6 haiku style

oh shit, I forgot to reply in haiku

Dethtron's class so dumb
fellow students make up words
orchenstrate not real

Captain Kellen said...

Yes Truth Hurts Stelek
Black Jack and Hookers Chumby
Flapjacks and pain Brent

fester said...

I do like to challenge!

If you want a traditional one ....

Kirby is my bitch
Writing crap on 3 plus plus
Read _my_ stuff its good

Ghengis Vaughn said...

That drink is for girls
One day we'll drink the right stuff
Hippopotamus

fester said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

DaveHowitzer said...

I heartily endorse Ghengis Vaughn's opinion.

Captain Kellen said...

Fester's the champion
Noob is just one of my names
doubt he will argue

Dave G _ Nplusplus said...

The House of Paincakes
Great Blogs; Mature Audience
Join and Contribute

Captain Kellen said...

Saturday night check
twelve posts have been sent so far
Dave nailed the haiku

Captain Kellen said...

Jets Colts Rams Falcons
Football Sundays are the best
Bears over the Giants

Loquacious said...

It's a great world here
Brent and Lauby swear for us
we owe fealty

weekly top x great
shout outs and webby findings
could be yours awesome

it's a man's world here
girls game with hearts thunder
check World of Wonder

chaosgerbil said...

Ok this is NOT my contest entry, but a bunch of 40k Haiku I made up last year:

marine cover saves
are not that useful, except
against lascannons

dark eldar players
don't really need a new book
just run dark lance spam

when orks lost choppas
they got cheaper by three points
I miss mob rule though

most guys hate necrons
should we blame their lame codex?
or "Terminator"?

daemonhunters own
in a strange fantasy land
that I just made up

those darn vendettas
pay sixty dollars and win
so undercosted

unemployed gamers
they would all run those mech lists
except they are broke

old Jervis Johnson
he's making warhammer bland
he's no Rick Priestly

chaosgerbil said...

And here's my "entry"

other blog networks
have bullshit advertisements
House of Paincakes rules

Zheilt said...

There once was a man from Nantucket.
Is that where Dethtron's from? Oh fuck it.
I'm feeling quite sleepy.
Brent seems a bit creepy.
House of Paincakes, haikus can suck it.

(With that being said,
I do, in fact, love haikus.
Moreso when they're... fuck)

Captain Kellen said...

Three more days you guys
Not a thing for the first loser
except for crying

chaosgerbil said...

Brent will stalk bloggers
Hell, he will stalk anyone
Except for Not Brent

chaosgerbil said...

Dethtron is nasty
Does he enjoy moving dicks?
I hope that I'm wrong

Lauby loves to paint
But the paint won't love him back
Haikus fill the void

chaosgerbil said...

Lance likes a gay drink
I'm not really prejudiced
We all just talk shit

Appletinis, huh
That's cool, I like girl drinks too
Alcohol tastes bad

Lantz said...

I like the haikus
But who in the hell is Lance?
chaosgerbil fail

chaosgerbil said...

Mistake realized late
I blame the comment system
No way to edit

I'm so sorry Lantz
Next time I insult your ass
I'll spell your name right

Captain Kellen said...

One more post to add
seven five seven format
last day is today

Who will win the 'prize'
Only the House of Paincakes knows
Internet glory awaits you

get off your duff dude
write a line or two or four
you can do it easy

Why only a few posts
It might get easy after time passes
Maybe Brent smells bad